Saturday 31 October 2015

On Yorkshire

Though I’m a Londoner at heart, a part of me will always belong to Yorkshire. I spent four years ensconced in the comforting embrace of York, and it came at such a formative time in my life that I think it shaped me more than it would have if I moved there now.

I didn’t necessarily fit easily into life in the north. There was some…how can I put this…reverse snobbery, I suppose? I faced quite a few knowing nods and snide asides about my southern status, made all the worse of course by the fact that I was “a Londoner” (so obviously a pretentious snob). This probably wasn't helped by the fact that I speak in what is arguably a bit of a posh voice. None of the comments were uttered with malicious intent, but I did spend my first few weeks up north feeling a bit defensive about my non-Yorkshire roots.

However, all of the above came much more from the fact that I was dealing with northern students – all slightly nervous, insecure teenagers like myself, who had been let loose in the wild for the first time and were trying to work out what it was to be independent and “an adult”.  Once we’d all gotten to grips with that, and noticed that our differences were far outweighed by our similarities, we rubbed along together quite nicely.

If I had to put my finger on exactly what it is that makes me love Yorkshire so much, I don’t think I could do it easily. There’s a whole host of reasons that combine to create a pretty potent, gut-based feeling that turns me into a silly mess when I pass through York on a train (cue embarrassing tears), or makes me do an excited double-take when I hear a Yorkshire burr out and about on the streets of London.

A lot of it has to do with nostalgia and personal significance, of course. I did a lot of my growing up in Yorkshire. I learnt to be on my own there. I had my first real relationship (and my first real heartbreak). I made friends who were, for the first time, completely unrelated to who my family knew, or who I went to school with. All of those things are important turning points in a young woman’s life, so York – for me – has a rosy tint to it that has nothing to do with its geography or character.

However, I also quickly learnt that there was something about the nature of the region that suited me well. York itself was the perfect size and pace for me – not too big, not too small – and had so much history seeping out of its pores that you could feel it like a physical presence. The people, too, were on the whole very different to those I’d grown up around in London. They were less self-involved. Friendlier. Sometimes (read: often) a lot more blunt and forthright…but I loved that. In a city like London, everyone is rushing from one thing to the next, trying to dodge tourists, trying not to catch the eye of a stranger who might try to talk to them. In York – and, as it turned out, in other cities, towns and villages in Yorkshire that I explored – people acknowledged each other and didn’t seem to be in their own bubbles so much.

There’s an honesty about the Yorkshire attitude that I like. And there’s a picturesque Englishness, a sense of culture and history, about the place. I’m not saying that you can’t find these things in London, but as a capital city my hometown is a beautiful melting pot of cultures, experiences and people. I love that – I’m happy to be surrounded by that – but a part of me will always pine for the sense of identity and homeliness that I feel every time I go back to Yorkshire. For me, it will always be my second home.

Tuesday 13 October 2015

On a few acknowledgements

I appreciate that I've been fairly quiet of late. Many of you will know why already, but for those who don't...my Dad has been ill - in and out of hospital for a few weeks now, ill - and it's made quite a few things take a back seat for a while. Before I get back into the routine of writing properly, I feel I need to share a few acknowledgements and words of gratitude to those who have been an unerring source of support over the past few weeks.

First and foremost, to my parents. It is not easy, having your life turned upside down. It is not easy to be upbeat, or to be strong, but that is just what my wonderful Mum and Dad have been. Dad - positive, optimistic tower of a man that he is - has gone about the past few weeks with dignity, strength and good spirit. His strength, and his determination to continue looking after those around him when many people would only be able to focus on themselves, has reminded me of just why I'm so proud to be his daughter. My mother, also, has proven to be the most immensely strong tiger of a woman (stolen my Dad's turn of phrase there). She has faced this unexpected and unfair twist of fate with a determination to see it through and be an unwavering pillar of support for both my Dad and for me, and I could never thank her enough for that.

To my friends, I also owe a debt of gratitude. I always suspected that I was particularly lucky in the friendship group I have built up around myself, but the past few weeks have proved it. I couldn't possibly name check all of the people who have been kind and how, as there have been so many and it would take pages and pages, but I hope they know that everything - from the smallest message to the biggest gesture - has been hugely appreciated, and made me feel very lucky to have them all. Whether quietly or loudly, they have all provided the support and the protective cocoon that I needed.

To my big little brother - words fail me. Though he's suddenly found himself further away, he made sure it didn't feel like that when I needed him. Distracting me when I needed it, listening to me when I needed it, and providing excellent big little brother hugs (which cannot be bottled or replicated)...I couldn't have asked for a better brother, and never has he felt more like family.

And finally, to my person. In spite of all of the mess of us - in spite of the complicated tangle we wove for ourselves, and the personal struggles and mountains he's having to scale on his own - as soon as I needed him, he was there. He dropped everything, without question or complaint. And even if he doesn't know what that means - I do. And for now, that's enough.

I hope this hasn't been too sentimental or too saccharine. I don't want to dwell too much on the past, or the unkindness of the hand my family has been dealt - I just want to acknowledge the wonderful people who have restored a little of my faith in the world, and helped me to keep going, keep positive, and find strength in myself that I didn't know I had.

So thank you. Really.